22 March 2009

Once more, with feeling

Can't exactly put my finger on what kept me from blogging for several weeks...I guess I was in a bit of a funk. You know, the usual wearing down from motherly responsibilities, work every day (and Ryan being stressed about his first round of taxes owning the business), winter padding on my front and back sides, dishwater-brown roots, messy house, pet hair everywhere, a bout with the flu or whatever everyone else around here seems to have had of late. And so on. And so forth. Kind of running the gamut of the feelings (and then some) that Macauley documented in the worksheet he brought home after a class session with the counselor recently. I was charmed by his renditions (especially "shy" with the face covered and what Macauley said was me shielding him in front), and the big round hands remind me a lot of a show called Roly Poly Olie that Macauley used to watch as a toddler when I was staying home with him at our house on Bennett. I don't know if it's on anymore and I doubt Macauley would even remember it. Which makes me melancholy (a very complicated emotion, not pictured) that he is growing up, that we can never go back, that there is so much we've both already forgotten.

But I am emerging from the doldrums for several reasons: a) bright and blonde chunky highlights and newly cut sideswept bangs after my appointment with Nikki this past Friday, as well as a visit to the tanning bed; b) a whole week off school beginning tomorrow for Spring Break; c) three days of me time (and us time with Ryan) while Macauley visits my parents in Arkansas this weekend; d) two long afternoons of junking yesterday and today which produced a load of lovely finds; e) the thought of tomorrow puttering around the house all by myself stashing my new finds here and there and just doing what I want to do when I want to do it.

We all, Mac included, so needed a break from the routine and from each other, so I am thankful that my parents took Macauley for a few days, even though the fluctuating weather kept them from going camping as planned. I am enjoying the quiet and the freedom, but as usual, as soon as he's gone, I miss him. Even his up and down and often irrational emotions, some of which I photographed recently in hopes of doing a scrapbook layout at some point. Lindsay and I will go to Rogers Tuesday morning to spend a couple of days and then bring Macauley home. I hope it's sunny and warm when we get back so Macauley and I can do a little work on the flowerbeds in front. I want to savor the break. And my not-so-little-anymore boy.

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